**this is not erotic and not meant for anyone in particular in PL. this is just another post straight from the too chaotic mind of a girl drowning in tears and trying to find peace**
It is not important to ask questions we cannot answer; nor to try and analyze what went wrong. It is not important to ask how it fell apart and why it did. It is not important to ask who made a mistake and try to find fault. It is no longer important to relive the past and ask if we should still continue when we know, deep down we know, that the barriers and our own weaknesses will keep us apart still.
It is not important to ask who is hurting more. Not important to tell you how much tears were shed, how many sacrifices were made on my part because I know whatever pain I feel, you feel too. It is not important to keep hoping and dreaming of a future when present matters are keeping us apart and our hands are tied to do something about it.
It is not important to wish that love is not so complicated because life itself is complicated. What is important is that we both learn to embrace life’s complexities. We cannot always choose the easy way out, and there are times when we need to make a stand and fight for what we want. But that time is not now. That already passed.
It is not important to think of what ifs and what could have beens, because now, it is over.
Is it important to ask if it is really pain or just disappointment that we feel? Is it important to ask if it was really love that made us cling on to something that has been dying for two years or just the fear to be alone? No, not anymore. Because asking and doubting what was shared would not make us better persons.
What is important is to ask if we are still looking at the same direction and seeing the same things. What is important is if we are still growing, as individuals and as a couple. What is important is that we are not settling for something that is supposed to be wonderful but only hurts us both.
Do you still think of me constantly as I think of you? Am I still the first person in your mind with whom you want to share things with – jokes, anger, laughter and even tears? Are you still that person for me? Can you still see behind the façade when you look into my eyes? Do I still melt when I look into yours?
If what we are clinging on are just the memories of the past, then that is just not important.
What is important is that we finally accept, despite the pain and silent screams inside our heads, that it is over. What is important is that we accept defeat before others get hurt because of us.
It is not important if we still love. What is important is that we shield those we love from the claws of the monster we failed to tame.
It is not important to wish that our goodbyes were done in a decent manner, with words of thank you and good luck and take care, instead of banging doors and words of insult. What is important now is that we both move on.
It is not important that we cry now. Not important that we are consumed with anger and we want to curse the world and fate for this chaos we find ourselves in. For at this very moment, with this pain, we are getting defined, molded, polished.
And in time… whatever lesson we learn from this, will help us find what we really need and deserve.